


Heavy Lies The Crown, But We Hold It Together

by SweetHeartsAndSweetDreams



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, I'll update the tags as I post more, Jaha isn't there, Panic Attacks, Set during episode 4x02, So it's literally canon compliant in every way except for that, glowing forest
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-04
Updated: 2017-02-18
Packaged: 2018-09-21 23:54:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9572480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SweetHeartsAndSweetDreams/pseuds/SweetHeartsAndSweetDreams
Summary: This has basically just turned into missing scenes from S4 episodes I wish we would've had





	1. Of Constellations and Jackets

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! I'm really excited the show is finally back, so I figured I'd write some small ficlets about missing scenes in episodes. Enjoy! :)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Bellamy are on their way back to Arkadia and though the stars are keeping her mind occupied the jacket around her shoulders is not keeping her warm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I'm really excited the show is finally back and even more excited for next weeks episode, so I figured I'd write some small ficlets about it. Enjoy! :)

They’ve been driving for about an hour. The darkening grey sky they’d left Kane and Abby under was now turned a deep shade of blue, the last evidence of day fading away as the few remaining rays of sunshine disappeared underneath the horizon. Luckily the clouds have cleared so Clarke’s left being able to gaze out at the stars. She's suddenly hit with a wave of emotion, the stars remind her of a time where she was still innocent, when her father was alive and her best friends eyes still shinned with life whenever they’d play chess or watch soccer together. The stars also remind her of her first lost love. The boy who came down from the Ark with her and made her feel like a teenager again. He was gone and so was the woman that looked at Clarke like she was the only good thing left in this world. Her green eyes tender and warm were often in juxtaposition with the war paint that surrounded them. Everyone she loves dies, it’s inevitable just like the impending apocalypse that currently rests above their heads. She opens her eyes, not realizing that she’d closed them in the first place, to take one last look at the twinkling sky above her. They wink at her in recognition of her thoughts and she turns away, swallowing the lump that’s gathered in her throat.

She looks at Bellamy then. His face is illuminated by the headlights on the rover and the shadows cast on his face show the sharp lines of his cheekbones and his jaw, the curve of his nose and his plump lips. Clarke also notices the dusting of freckles across his face that map out a story of their own. He’d once told her about his love of greek mythology and she’d smiled because of course the little boy who was obsessed with constellations would have his own smattered across his skin. Not for the first time Clarke thinks he is truly beautiful. He’s the kind of person she’d have drawn if the world hadn’t blown up and she was just an art student in university somewhere. Maybe he’d just be a model in one of her many classes or maybe they’d be friends. She would probably have to insist upon him until he relented with feigned annoyance and let her draw him. It’s then that Clarke wonders in another life if they really would be friends. When the thought of them not even knowing each other crosses her mind a cold shiver runs down her spine.

Bellamy looks at her briefly, concern evident in the shine of his eyes. He hadn’t noticed she’d been staring and for that she is truly grateful.

“Are you cold?” he asks eyes back on the path ahead of them.

“Yeah, a little. This jacket doesn’t exactly keep the chill out.”

A thoughtful look crossed his face and suddenly the rover jerks to a stop and he’s moving out of the drivers seat. 

She sits there in stunned silence until her gets back in and hands her the coat that had been on his shoulders moments before.

“No Bellamy i can’t-“

“Its fine, honestly. The heating in our station used to get cut off all the time, so this is nothing.”

Her heart constricts in her chest. Not for the first time she realizes how different their lives on the Ark were, how difficult his was and it makes her feel sick to her stomach to think about him in any kind of pain or discomfort.

“Seriously Clarke I don’t mind.” 

“Bellamy I can’t just take your jacket you might need it.”

“Well I don’t right now and you do.”

They look at each other for a moment both sure that they’ll be the one to win this battle.

Realizing she won’t win Clarke sighs and steps out of the rover. She sheds the long coat Lexa had given her and also removes the uncomfortable corset that’s been restricting her breathing for far too long. She takes the coat from Bellamy’s outstretched hand and maneuvers her arms into the sleeves, pulling it over her shoulders and zipping it up when she’s done. Clarke quickly gets back in, setting Lexa's jacket on the bench behind her for safe keeping and letting the corset fall where it may, she’s going to throw it out when they back to Arkadia anyway. 

“Better?” he asks a small smirk playing at the edge of his lips. She’s completely swamped in his jacket and she’s guessing that’s why there’s a teasing tone stemming from his question.

“Yeah.” She sighs starting to feel her eyes droop. His smell, pine, smoke and something purely him, is surrounding her and she feels safe. Clarke wraps her arms around herself, tucking her chin and nose into his jacket. “Thanks Bell.” she says her voice barely above a whisper.

Just before she’s completely consumed by the darkness, she feels Bellamy’s lips dance across the crown of her head as he whispers “Sleep tight Princess.” 

The last sound her coherent mind registers is the rover starting up before her exhaustion wins out and she’s pulled under.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are always encouraged! :)


	2. Of Glowing Trees And Hugs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke wakes up to see they're in the glowing forest and Bellamy has an...unexpected reaction.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay you guys! I'm going to try and post another one tonight, but it'll probably be shorter than this chapter because this turned into almost 2k when it was suppose to be like 800 words. I also realized belatedly that Jaha is going to be with them in 4x02, so this is canon compliant minus the fact that he's there.

Clarke wakes up when she feels the rover come to a halt. She’s not sure how long she’s been asleep, but she does remember the press of Bellamy’s lips against her forehead and she smiles at the memory of it.

She feels warm and rested for the first time in what feels like ages and she burrows deeper into the jacket around her shoulders, sinking further into the seat beneath her. 

Her eyes flutter open after a few more moments of content silence and she notices that this time the inside of the rover is being illuminated not by the headlights, but by the glowing forest that lays before them. She casts a glance over to Bellamy and see’s that he’s staring out the windshield in amazement. He hasn’t noticed she’s woken yet, so she observes him intently as his eyes sparkle with wonder, the deep brown reflecting the turquoise light emanating off of the glowing trees. Clarke remembers how she felt the first time she saw the glowing forest. She’d been completely speechless. The brilliant colour that radiated off of the foliage, the small markings weaved into the bark of every tree making them look like they had been painted on with delicate strokes of fingers, and a symphony of birds that created an atmosphere equal parts haunting and beautiful.

Clarke remembers her stomach feeling feather light with happiness, a hope for what other wonderful things they had yet to discover. It feels as though it’s been years since their first night on the ground even though she knows its only been months. That night is something she keeps stored away in the small, untouched corner of her mind. The one that’s filled with fond memories of the people that she loves, some she has lost and some who are still with her. Memories that get her through the worst of what she’s done in order to keep her people safe. Those small snippets of her life serve as a beacon of hope that maybe one day she’ll get to be happy again. 

Clarke hopes they can all be that happy again.

Especially the man who only sees scars lining his skin rather than the freckles that are dusted across every inch of his body, the man who feels the weight of the world on his shoulders, but will never falter in baring it because he loves his people too much.

“It’s beautiful isn’t it?” she asks him breaking herself out of her reverie along with the comfortable silence that rests between them.

He starts a little at the sound of her voice, still having been unaware that she’d woken up.

“Yeah.” he says, but his voice sounds strained. And it’s then that she notices the look of wonderment in his eyes has has been replaced with something thoughtful, something sad. 

She gently places her hand on his arm. “Hey, whats wrong?”

“It’s nothing Clarke. I’m fine.”

“Bellamy.” she says, her tone leaving no room for argument.

He turns to her then and she’s taken aback by the vulnerability painted across his features. His eyes are open and expressive and his lips are set in a small frown. He takes a deep shuddering breath before he speaks. 

“Is this it? Is this all we get?” he asks his voice completely recked. "A few fleeting moments of beauty before everything’s destroyed again? There’s so much I still haven’t seen, so much I haven’t done, so many things I have to make up for, and I might never get the chance. I know I don’t deserve it, but fuck I wanna try. I wanna try to undo some of the damage that I’ve caused.” his chest begins to heave as he continues to speak. "My own sister can barely stand the sight of me and I’ll never get the chance to fix it. All those people that died at my hand...” his eyes are glassy as they bore into hers. He closes them and takes another trembling breath. When he looks at her again his face is hardened and his fists clench at his side. “I can’t make up for any of it.” he says, his voice angry as it breaks off at the end.

Suddenly he’s yanking the drivers door open and getting out of the rover. He stalks over to a small glowing patch of water, his harsh breathing visible from her seat thanks to the jerky movements of his back each time he breathes in.  Suddenly he collapses to his knees and Clarke is out of the rover before she even knows what’s happening. She quickly makes her way over to him and is able to hear is laboured breathing before she’s even reached him.

_ He’s having a panic attack.  _

When she finally reaches the small pond she sinks to her knees beside him. His breathing has gotten worse, his body stuttering in its movements each time he tries to breathe and his hands are fisted in the grass beneath them.

“Bellamy.” she says placing her hand on his side. His body is still facing the pond and she tries to get him to turn towards her, but he won’t move.

“Bellamy I need you to face me. Can you do that?”

Silence follows and this time when she reaches out to touch him he flinches away from her.

“Don’t…please…just leave.” he says panting between each word. 

“Are you out of your mind? Bellamy you’re having a panic attack. Of course I’m not going to leave!” she says indignation and anger evident in her voice.

“You shouldn’t…have to…deal with me.” is all he manages to get out before he starts wheezing, no longer able to form words.

She stands up then and see’s something flash in his eyes before she bends back down, hooks his arm over her shoulder and brings them a few feet away right beside a tree near the bed of the pond. Clarke can’t go much further because though Bellamy is in amazing shape, he’s very heavy.

She gets them situated so that he’s leaving up against the tree as she crouches in front of him. 

He won’t look her in the eyes so she takes his face in her hands and forces him too. “Bellamy I need you to focus on me okay? Try and match my breathing.” she tells him cautiously like she’s worried he might try and run away.

He’s being fidgety and won’t listen to her and Clarke’s starting to get really scared because he doesn’t seem to want her help. His skin has gone from it’s usual golden brown to white and his breathing is getting worse by the minute.

Feeling the anxiety start to build in her stomach she releases Bellamy’s face and goes to stand behind him. She sits down, squishing herself between him and the tree so that her chest is completely pressed up against his back. His body is cradled between her legs and she snakes her arms around his centre bringing him even closer. This way he’ll be able to feel whenever she breathes, so he can try and match the rhythm.

She rests her chin on his shoulder before she speaks.

“I want you to take a breath whenever you feel me doing the same okay?” she asks and when Clarke feels the curls at the nape of his neck brush against her cheek she knows that he’s nodding.

She takes deliberate breaths, making sure that he’ll be able to feel them each time and soon enough his tense body begins to relax and his breathing starts to regulate again. 

Once Clarke is sure that he’s okay she speaks. 

“Hey, what happened?” she asks and feels his body tense again before he heaves a sigh and rakes a hand through his curls, some of them tickling her nose with the movement.

“It’s just hard to grasp that I might die with so much unfinished business. I have so many regrets Clarke and I guess it all just got to me.”

She wants to hug him, something she knows would be made easy due to the fact that he’s literally surrounded by her, but she waits still unsure if it’s something he wants.

“And what about when I was trying to help you? Why wouldn’t you let me?”

He must feel her arms around his centre slacken because he covers one of her hands with his giant one, giving her a quick squeeze.

“I just…I don’t want you to leave again.”

Before she can assure him that will never happen he continues.

“I’m a complete mess. You’re the one person I’ve never had to hide that from, but I’m worried that it’ll be too much for you. You have your own demons and I don’t need to be weighing you down with my own especially with everything that’s going on right now. I don’t want to scare you away because believe it or not Clarke, I need you too.”

She does hug him then, burying her face into the crook of his neck as she squeezes him with her thighs and her arms band around him so tightly that she’s sure he’s lost his breathing all over again. 

When Clarke finally loosens her grip on him she speaks the words she should have a long time ago.

“Bellamy you could never scare me away.” she says with conviction in her voice. “You’re the only person I’ve never had to hide myself from either. You’re my best friend. You’re important to me and I’m sorry If I ever made you doubt that. You’ve always been there for me and I’ve been a lousy friend in return, but I want to fix that. I will. And we both have our demons Bell. What matters is that we’re there to help each other face them.”

Suddenly he’s turning in her arms and wrapping her up in a bone crushing hug. He’s never initiated one before and she’s taken aback by his sudden burst of confidence. Clarke ends up sitting in his lap as they cling to each other for dear life. The need to be close to one another driving them to a level of intimacy they’ve never been to before. To somebody else their position may seem romantic, but Clarke knows that for both parties it’s their need for comfort, for human contact from someone they love that has gotten them here.

“Thank you.” Bellamy whispers into her hair.

She smiles into the crook of his neck before saying “I’m always here.”

* * *

Eventually they untangle themselves and set up camp for the evening, both of them too exhausted to drive any further. As she lays under the glowing forest with Bellamy at her side she knows that they’ll be able to make it through this as long as they’re together. 


	3. Of Mornings and Music

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bellamy wakes up the next morning after his panic attack

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still mad we didn't get a glowing forest scene in 4x02, so here's more fluff

Bellamy wakes to something soft tickling his nose and a heavy weight on his chest. He opens his eyes and they protest against the glittering light of the early morning. The sun has almost completely risen, only a few flecks of orange and pink remaining along the seam that separates the trees from the sky. When he looks down he notices that Clarke is sleeping soundly against him, her head pillowed on his chest and he smiles to himself. 

Last night had been exhausting and scary for him. It was as if all of his demons had come knocking at the same time, but sure enough Clarke was there to pull him out before the weight of it suffocated him. She was there last night and she promised him that she would be from now on. His shoulders feel lighter this morning and he has his head strong co-leader with sparkling blue eyes to thank for it.

Realizing they need to get back to Arkadia as soon as possible, he reluctantly extricates himself from the cage of her arms (after his panic attack they’d barely gone a foot within reach from one another, still needing the reassurance that they were there for each other) and gently lays her head back down on the ground. He knows she practically never sleeps, so he figures he can give her a few more minutes of rest before they have to head out.

He’s just finishing checking up on the rover when he hears footsteps coming up behind him. He knows exactly who it is without even looking and sure enough when he turns around Clarke is standing there, hair adorably rumpled from sleep and her body still swamped in his jacket as she toes at the ground nervously.

“Good morning.” he says with a bright smile plastered across his face. He knows that they still have a lot to do, the world is ending after all, but he figures for the time being he can keep it light. At least until they get back to Arkadia.

Clarke looks up from picking at the loose thread on the sleeve of his jacket to meet his eyes. “Good morning. Did you sleep well?”

“I did. I’ve only been up for about twenty minutes. I was actually about to come and wake you, so we could make it back to Arkadia by noon.”

She nods and starts to make her way past him to get into the rover, but he gently grasps her arm to stop her. Bellamy knows she’s still feeling a little awkward about the intimacy of last night. They’ve never been so open and close to one another and though he knows how important it was for the both of them, there is still an undercurrent of uncertainty. So he tries to quash it.

He looks into her eyes and says “I just wanted to say thank you again for last night. I don’t know what would have happened if you hadn’t been there.”

He sees the shift in her eyes before her lips quirk up at the edges. “There’s nothing to thank me for Bell. It’s what we do for each other.”

And with that she walks around the rover, swinging herself up and into the passenger seat.

The ride home is a comfortable one. Apparently Clarke has also decided to keep things on a lighter note until they get back to Arkadia and he’s happy for the reprieve, even if it’s just for a short while. So they put on some of the music that was left in the glove compartment of the rover and sing a long to the one’s they know until they see the big sign over their gate indicating that they’re home.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos are always encouraged!


End file.
